Getting Personal
On day 261
I’ve started writing more about recovery without talking about the readings in recovery. About my own personal and deep pain. My struggles with decompressing and handling life.
Yesterday was a shit show of a day at work. I came home so exhausted. I just kept sighing. I’d been running around all day. Like a maniac. I was so exhausted that my husband made some inane joke about a tail pipe and exhaust. I just looked at him and started cracking up. I had to laugh. Right?
I remember what Covid was like. I almost collapsed from the stress at work. I ended up having to take medical leave for two surgeries. I still only took a couple months for the first surgery and a month for the second surgery, but I remember how horrible I felt before surgery. My ass was literally bleeding the stress out. Too much information probably, but you should know my history. It was serious.
It took me a while to realize boundaries were needed with work. So it’s hard to feel like I am regressing. I just need to remove myself from the politics of my office and just do the work. That’s the only time that I am happy.
I love my job. Being a deputy public defender has been a joy and a gift. But not everything needs to last forever. Change is good. So I will just leave myself open to the miracles of the universe, life and recovery.
On day 261.
PS I am presenting this Saturday on social justice writing as activism in Claremont at Pomona College at the IE People’s History Conference (see my IG for info or comment and I will send it to you.)
Wish I could go to the event, the theme is right where I’m at these days and I need help with that! Hope you have another one day❤️✊
Politics at work is so, so exhausting. You know I've been fired from almost every nonprofit or public entity I worked for, I just can't do it right 🤷♀️. I know you've been such an asset to the Public Defenders' office, lady. Wish I could hear your talk, the topic is so interesting!