Ready Steady Go
On day 263
I think, am I really ready for this? To have a lifetime of this sobriety. And yes, I am.
Most days, not drinking is a relief. It is easier for me to not drink at all than to try to moderate. Moderation was always a bummer for me. I would try. Fail. Try. Fail. It was an exercise in futility.
One of my favorite punk bands is Generation X. With a young Billy Idol. Pop punk, They have a song called Ready, Steady, Go. The lyrics are a bit choppy. But one is, “All the things she said”. All the things I have said don’t mean much. Words really don’t mean a lot.
It's actions. It’s day by day.
It’s 4 am. I went to Arts Walk with friends from work last night. We saw books, falcons, and even a furry or two. A young girl with pink hair in a three piece band sang a Pixies’ song with a young kid on drums and a twenty something dude on bass. I wished I had been braver when I was younger. That I had joined a band. Let my mediocre (at best) voice be heard.
Yet, I am lucky. I found my writing voice on the page in my thirties. Writing for almost twenty years now, I think, I feel old. Exhausted. Depleted. My back hurts.
But then I remember, just breathe. Meditate. Be in the now. I pet my Shih Tzus.
On day 263.
Love that song-